Cat AIDS

Last week my uncle took his cat into the veterinarian's because it has been very sickly. The vet's first impression of what was ailing my uncle's cat? Cat AIDS.

According to my uncle's veterinarian, there is an epidemic of cat AIDS going around the Big Island.

Seriously?

Were all the cats on the Big Island sharing needles and having unprotected sex? Well, technically, yes all of the feral cats were going around and having sex and that is how it has been spreading. To the best of my knowledge, cats haven't gotten around to using condoms yet.

Claws: makes opening condoms a bitch and one of the main causes of unprotected cat sex.

When my uncle told me about Larry's (the cat) visit to the vet and what the vet was concerned about, I couldn't help but laugh.

I started to imagine how Larry could have possibly aquired AIDS. I pictured Larry has a slick Wall Street business cat during the 80's, experimenting with heroin and other drugs. After wall street took a dive in '88, Larry was out on the street and forced to maintain his habit by becoming a gay prostitute in Los Angeles. After many years of this kind of lifestyle, Larry eventually found God in a soup kitchen, became born-again, and eventually settled in my uncle's family. And now, after all these years, the sins of his past has finally come back to haunt poor Larry.

After imagining this, I also began to imagine cat AIDS on a much more global scale. I began to picture the cat AIDS epidimic in Africa, gay cats finding out that their life partner is infected, sex education in cat middle school. At that point I shook my head and realized my imagination was getting out of hand.

And then my uncle mentioned that his vet is also worried that Larry might instead be suffering from cat Leukemia.

Chemotherapy sucks.